


Pain is One Hell of a Drug

by UnoSlut



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Body Horror, Corrupted Steven Universe, Corruption, Disturbing Themes, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Loss of Control, Not Beta Read, it's a bit of a slow burn, just so ya'll know pietersite is my fusion version of aquamarine and eyeball, mild body horror, the ships aren't the main story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-01-24 04:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21332032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnoSlut/pseuds/UnoSlut
Summary: Steven was like a bomb ready to explode, his emotions were always bubbling under his skin, the only thing that was holding him back was a 'turn' of events his mother had done long ago. What if this 'turn' happened again?
Relationships: Amethyst & Garnet & Pearl & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 154





	1. A Series of Late Nights

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try and be updating this once a week.

He hadn’t been able to sleep for a full night in weeks. Constantly waking up, not from nightmares but vivid and inconceivable dreams, he wasn’t able to understand them; a jumbled mess of thoughts and feeling too crowded together to ever sort them out. It was always the same, go to sleep, dream, wake up in a cold sweat at 2 in the morning and stroll around the beach until one of the gems found him half-asleep on the rocks and brought him home, repeating over and over like a broken record that he could come talk to them but he knew they were busy. It was always Little Homeworld or dealing with the diamond’s or a new enemy, another corrupted gem to bring to the fountain or to track down. It was a never-ending cycle of problem after problem.  
He laughed to himself, remembering what he had said to Spinel before the diamonds arrived. There really always more work to do, never a truly happily ever after. Or even a happy 5-minute break.  
He sat up in his bed, muscles already moving through the motions of walking downstairs before he even thought about it. Pulling the pink jacket off the end of his bed and slipping it over the yellow pyjamas he was wearing. He looked towards the windows next to the door, the wind outside pushing against the sand and plants along the shoreline and up the side of the temple. There was no need for future vision, he knew if he went out there, Pearl, Garnet or Amethyst would drag him back inside either to try and talk it out or just take him back to bed, leading him to another one of those dreams.  
He knows they mean well and they care about him, but for now… He walks over to the portal, no particular destination in mind, just a want to get away.  
He finds himself just catching himself before he falls on the landing, his body still just waking up. He looked out towards the barren sight before him. The Prime Kindergarten, a place that should have been bustling with life now just a dry empty scar on the planet. Dry, empty and completely void of people and gems not wanting to remind themselves of the horrendous war and colonisation. It was perfect.  
He jumped down from the portal, careful to keep cautious as he knew that there were still gem mutants hiding in the shadows, even now they were still finding disembodies hands and legs fused together in the cracks of these walls. Despite having seen more monstrous combinations, the little ones always reminded him of when Garnet had nearly split over seeing them, the terror on her face frozen in fear. A patch of gravel fell beside him disturbing his thoughts. He jumped out of the way careful to avoid a couple of larger rocks later falling. It was falling apart around him…heh it wasn’t the only one.  
Walking further in the more damaged it got, injectors lay destroyed on the ground harvested and stripped of all useful parts, only the husks left behind, dust blowing on the draft and dozens upon hundreds of holes lined around him, making him feel smaller than the diamond he should.  
No, he wasn’t a diamond…well, he was? But he wasn’t pink diamond. But at the same time, he was. It was a series of contradicting thoughts, racing through his head like the dreams, a messed up and jumbled thought process that left him vulnerable to any option to stop it. He was always in pain because of his mother, he hated how many mistakes she made, he hated the fact that he had to deal with them and he hated the fact that even though it has been nearly 3 years he still can’t get a hold of who she was.  
An asshole and little shit when she was a diamond, but still a loving and caring person right to the end of her life. She had always been caring for others, even when she hurt them, always trying to do her best for them, only becoming less egotistical because of his father. An amazing and caring man who was always having to deal with this shit. He couldn’t stop his thoughts from there. It was an endless pit of guilt. He had caused the gems pain because he took away Rose and he knew that it wasn’t his choice but he and Connie now both knew privately that they couldn’t give her back, probably ever. He was the one who had caused Pearl to cry for so many nights, he was a constant reminder of Pink, his hair, the way he acted so childishly at times, his gem-  
His gem. A pink diamond gem. Rotated to appear like a Rose Quartz. What if that was the problem, all this time he’s just been seeing things in the wrong direction, a twisted and upside-down view of the world. No one would know, maybe things would be better, rather than confusing them with whether he was Rose Quartz or Pink Diamond he could pick one and make the thoughts in his head a little more understanding. No wonder he was so confused, he was trying to be 3 people at once, this had to fix things, and even if it didn’t if he was able to change it, he should be able to change it back, like shape shifting.  
He sat down in the broken soil, darkness towering around him as a pink glow emitted from his gem, he focused not on shapeshifting his form but his gem. He could feel it trying to move but being caught in something.  
Him. He was the one stopping it. He placed his hand over it, the warm glow emptying through his fingers. One pull could be all that stands between him and finally being rid of restless nights, of almost crippling guilt, of one battle after another, to finally get a minutes rest, to finally understand what was going on, and he finally felt something give as he surrendered to the darkness around him.


	2. A Bittersweet Reunion

He woke up slowly, no blankets over him and no sunlight pouring through the window to greet him. He couldn’t hear anything until he looked up at the hard rocks surrounding him, dust falling as he rubbed the side of his face.  
A piercing pain shot through his stomach as he tried to get up. Falling to his side instead and gently curling so as to not aggravate whatever had happened. He pulled up his shirt, the hot pain coming from his gem, he looked down and instead of the normal circle with a pentagon in the middle, he was met with what looked like an arrow pointing up at him, 3 sides of it exposed on top and 5 exposed on the bottom. A light pink glow was slowly dulling down as the pain was gradually subsiding. He was eventually able to lean back on his arms, not quite sitting up but better than before.  
The pain eventually subsided enough that he began to hobble his way back to the warp, only occasional gasps of pain escaping him as he got used to the new rotation. He looked up at the inky black sky, glad that it was still dark out and that he wouldn’t have the gems worrying about where he was, not as if he would have told them anyway, he wouldn’t want to worry them more, and with him coming home in pain who know what they would they think, especially if they thought he was awake. He could see the warp, if he was lucky, he would be able to sneak back inside without any of them hearing him and he could just slip back into bed, blaming it on a need for the bathroom. He reached the warp and got home, no one was in the main living area and as he walked up stairs he could see Pearl wasn’t secretly trying to watch him either, something that was still creepy but a little comforting to know that he wasn’t completely unguarded in his sleep. He didn’t bother to slip off his jacket as he crawled into bed. The comforter falling over him in a heavy heap as it weighed him down in the bed. For once he slept for more than a few hours, and he wasn’t awoken by vivid dreams, instead, he was awoken by the lull of voices downstairs.  
“I’m just saying maybe this is a good thing, have you seen him lately, he goes out wandering on the beach almost every night.”  
“It’s been over 12 hours P. It may be good for him, but don’t you think this is a bit excessive? Even when he’s been up for a mission most of the night when he was younger, he would still be up before noon.”  
Sure enough, looking at the Cookie Cat-themed clock beside him it read in large block lines 12:38 pm, certainly later than he usually slept. He heard the questioning stop, only for Garnet to cut through with a thoughtful hum.  
“What’s up, G?”  
“I think we’ve all been on edge a bit lately, with the Lapis’, Little Homeworld and literally every Diamond complaint under the roof, I think Steven’s been under a lot of pressure lately. He certainly doesn’t seem to want to talk now and I can’t see any issue with waiting for him to want to talk to us. I say we just give him a bit of space to sort things out and if he wants help, we’ll assist.”  
“Yeah, alright. We’ll wait for the little man to warm up to us.”  
“Agreed, I’m glad we’re able to talk this out, I thought-“  
Pearl’s voice cut out as she and the others walked away, the tell tail slam telling him they were probably taking the scenic route to Little Homeworld or were going to check on the healing cracks around the city. He crawled out of bed once he was sure they were gone, his stomach growling at the promise of food once he got downstairs. They’d recently been shopping and stockpiled on discounted waffles.  
He went into the bathroom to do his daily routine, clothes already neatly piled on the sink counter with a little, light blue, sticky note and simple heart drawn on top. He smiled at Pearl’s tendency to leave these little notes around, Amethyst and Garnet had quickly joined with their own litany of purple and assortment of dark blue and red notes left around the house for him to find during the day. They sometimes had little pictures or loving messages written out on them. He had gotten his own little pile of pink ones to hide around the temple for them to find. Hopping in the shower he quickly washed down his body and hair not really paying attention to the hair coming off on his brush. He jumped out of the shower, washing down his face in a cold sink of water to rid of any suds left behind.  
He looked up, yelling as he jumped back, his eyes meeting with the pink hair of his reflection. That wasn’t the only change though the normally brown almost black irises of his eyes had shifted to a lighter pink with diamond pupils. It was not a change he saw coming, nor one he knew the gems would like. It would be way too much for them, how would he even explain it. ‘Hey, I shifted the position of my gem because I was feeling really shit about myself and it turned my hair and eyes as pink as goddamn fairy floss?!’ Yeah that wouldn’t go over well at all. He knew how to fix the hair, product smelled horrid, but 2 boxes should be enough to fully cover down to the roots.  
His eyes, however… they would be a different problem. His skin crawled at the thought of having to put contacts in his eyes, so they were a no go plus, where would he even get any? Maybe he can just blame it on magical puberty. Yeah, that’ll work. He had already grown a few inches why not add eye colour to the mix. It was perfect, no one else was like him so they’d have no else to compare his growth to.  
He wore a hood in case he saw anyone and quickly warped to the closest pad to the warp. Buying the boxes, he needed he got home and went to work at getting the product as deep into his hair as possible. He was glad he was able to get a few shifts at FunLand for some money, he didn’t want to have to explain this to his dad, any more than the gems.  
He was wrong, he only needed one of the boxes thankfully and was able to save the other for later he would have to hide it somewhere other than under the bathroom sink but for now, it was a good hiding place to start.  
He cleaned up the sink and made sure to get rid of all evidence of him ever dying his hair. Walking into the kitchen he saw some of the waffles sitting by the counter, syrup long since absorbed into the now soggy mess. He didn’t mind, food was food and he wasn’t going to complain, they were not cold but just above room temperature, suggesting they had been sitting there for the better part of a few hours. He looked up at the clock on the wall, the time reading 1:54 pm.  
It was a Friday, and he didn’t have anything planned for once. As long as no monsters or rogue Homeworld gems appear it should be the first rest day he’s had in months. It seemed to be an endless routine of either calling the Diamonds or checking on Little Homeworld’s progress or fighting another person out to get either him or his mother for something to do with Homeworld. Finally, he was just getting a day to himself, maybe it’s just coincidence but he partially blames this row of good luck on his actions last night, maybe this really has helped clear his head, he certainly seems to be less guilty over things and he’s just relaxed and happy sitting here, an empty plate beside him and his head laying on the table as sun shines through the large windows behind him, warming his back and gently passing through the rest of his body.  
He eventually got up to place his disk in the sink, the promise of cleaning it left for later. He walked back up to his room and grabbed his phone from its charging port beside his bed, Connie had already left him a series of texts from usual good morning messages to more worried messages from his lack of responses, lastly was a text from 10 minutes ago saying she was going to come over since school got cancelled. He knew that it was more likely she had convinced her parents to let her check on him and she was able to get the day off to spend with him.  
It was a sweet gesture that brought a smile to his face. It was nice to be able to be with her outside of school if she wasn’t training with Pearl or practising her violin, she was stuck at home with her parents new ‘study schedule’.  
In order to get around basically never seeing each other, they decided to negotiate with Connie’s parents that as long as Steven was being taught by Connie, not only would he finally get an education but it would also highlight what she needed to revise and they are able to spend more time together. She was a Sophomore at an incredibly demanding school, it didn’t follow the traditional curriculum and instead went off something called the International Baccalaureate Program, even with the little things she was teaching him most of the stuff confused him and he didn’t understand why people needed to learn about this Pythagoras guy and his theories on triangles. He still let her teach him since she always seemed excited when he was able to get a concept and he was happy to see her excitedly coming through the door with a satchel full of textbooks and workbooks for them to gradually work through.  
It was only about 20 mins later that he heard a knock at his door and a turn of the lock as light steps entered the house. He called out to her from upstairs clearing the sheets he was working on and turning around to face her.  
“Hey, sorry for not responding earlier I slept late.”  
“That’s alright, I’m glad you’re alright. I brought some stuff over to study or we can just put on some movies, I finally got Dogcopter 3 on DVD so that would be fun.”  
He stood up, walking over to hug her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. He felt her move her fingers through his hair, awkwardly but gently. He grabbed her tighter under the ribs and lifted her up spinning her around before land with his back on his bed and Connie above him looking up at the ceiling and laughing. He started laughing alongside her, any sour mood from him instantly being washed away by the honey sweetened voice. He released her from his hold as she turned over on top of him to sit on his lap, brown eyes looking down at him in shock.  
“Steven! What happened to your eyes?”  
Her hand touching just underneath softly rubbing the skin.  
“I’m not really sure, I just woke up like this. Magical Puberty?”  
He had lied straight to her face and hoped she would take the bait. He smiled gently before kissing him on his nose, smiling when his face flushed a bright red.  
“Well, either way, you’re still a cutie pie, you now just have a drop of jam.”  
He laughed, hugging and pulling her down onto his chest.  
“And you’re my biscuit.” Kissing her soft hair as the tops of her ears turned red.  
She looked up at him a bright smile complemented by the rose red cheeks next to it. They laid there contently until Connie eventually convinced him to let her up so she could put on the movie. Steven was put on snack duty downstairs while Connie set up a nest of blankets and pillows upstairs. They were eventually comfortable, with Connie sitting in front of Steven his legs wrapped around her waist pulling her close to him and her head leaning back against him.  
The gems later found them in the same position with the Dogcopter 2 title theme playing on repeat, a small collection of empty bowls around them and blankets pulled over themselves in the late afternoon. They picked up Connie’s phone alerting her parents about her whereabouts and the plan to let her stay the night, considering that it looked like neither of them would be letting go of each other after Garnet had placed them in Steven’s bed, careful not to disturb them. They agreed reluctantly that as soon as Connie had finished her breakfast she would be taken back by one of them, the Maheswaran’s explaining that Connie may be able to come over later that day if she completed her studies, it wasn’t a training day so they didn’t have to worry about Pearl whisking her away.  
They eventually retired to their rooms in the temple, the earlier worries of the day put behind them.


	3. Something's Gone Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter the next one will be longer.

Steven was driving Connie back to her place that morning, the ride was filled with music and talking about how she was going in school and when they wanted to meet up again. Connie was going on a trip overseas that December to see her family, so they had about 3 more months before she would be leaving for the month and a half, returning in January. Seeing her and Mr Maheswaran waved him off he headed home. He was only 5 minutes out of Beach City when he got a call from Pearl. He pulled over and pulled out the still buzzing phone.  
“Hey Pearl what’s up?”  
“Steven! Are you still with Connie?”  
“No, I’m about 5, maybe 10 minutes from getting home.”  
“Perfect, Jasper and some fusion is wreaking havoc in Little Homeworld, we’re holding them back, but Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis aren’t here to help.”  
“I’ll be right over!”  
He hung up and pulled his car off the road on a direct path to Little Homeworld, thank god it was good off-road.  
Pulling up in front of Little Homeworld he saw destroyed houses and paths dug up. Further away he heard the gems fighting against someone else. Running over he saw Pearl being thrown against Bismuth’s tower, he jumped at Jasper, pushing away before she could smash against Pearl, his shield crashing into her side. Quickly recovering he was able to grab Pearl to his side shielding them both again as Jasper charged a spin dash towards them. Amethyst came after that with her own spin dash forcing both of them out of Steven and Pearl’s way, Pearl ran after them both while Steven went to go help Garnet, she was dodging beams of light and slashes from a small sword, the fusion not much bigger than Ruby or Sapphire but they quickly flew through the air dodging Garnet’s punches and attempts to grab them. Steven ran over to her.  
“Steven! Come to join the fun!”  
“Looks like you’re having a blast.”  
She gave a laugh as they both tag-teamed together, Steven’s shield reflecting the shines of light and slashes from the sword while Garnet ran to attack from the behind. They were able to fend them off, but Garnet just wasn’t able grab them, she didn’t have enough mobility with her gauntlets and when she tried to grab them without them she was instead dodging their attacks, Steven faced a similar problem, whenever he tried to go in without his shield he ended up running back away from the fires of the wand and slashes from the sword and when he tried to go towards them with his shield, it ended up getting in the way. He was getting frustrated and tired of trying to get them and dodging their attacks.  
“Ugh, this is impossible!”  
“Maybe for us separately, but what if we worked together.”  
Steven nodded towards her and ran over dodging attacks as Garnet did the same meeting in the middle in a burst of light.


	4. A missfire during fusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a small skit at the end of the chapter in the notes, it kinda relates to the next chapter but you don't have to read it.  
Also sorry if this chapter and the last chapter are kinda meh, I've just finished planning this story so hopefully it should get better.  
Also, I'm gonna be gone from 1st-21st of Dec, I'm not going to be able to post until I get back but I will try to post more consistantly after Christmas, a new chapter will go up on the 22nd!

…  
Something was wrong.  
No, this didn’t feel right.  
Someone was wrong, it was different, something wasn’t connecting. Garnet and Steven kept trying to reach out to each other, but they were always just out of reach, their connection barely touching. They eventually fell apart each crashing to the ground. Garnet pulled herself up only to look over at Steven clutched in a ball against the ground, groans of pain escaping him as he grabbed at his hair in a vice grip.  
“Pietersite, we need to leave. We’ve gotten them weak, but we won’t hold them off much longer. Especially with him here now.”  
They didn’t seem to be aware of his current predicament, Garnet still throwing punches at the small fusion. Jasper grabbed them and dashed out of the way of an attack from the newly formed Opal. The new fusion a red and blue Pietersite quickly flew away as Jasper dashed off in the same direction. Opal unfused rushing over to join Garnet who was now kneeling next to Steven trying to get him to uncurl in order to see where he was hurt. Whenever she tried to softly grab at his hands he just whimpered in pain.  
An unending vice was crushing his skull. An unrelenting pain that never seemed to end. He had no idea what was happening. Mumbled voices and the smell of dust surrounded his clenched fists. His hair was as sensitive as a new cut, red and inflamed. He heard someone around him, but he couldn’t bring any care towards them. Anytime he felt one of them touch him was like pouring molten metal, burning and destroying pain that enveloped his entire being. Eventually, the person next to him stopped trying to reach out, allowing him to feel the sensations around him. The dry dust against his skin in contrast with wet rivers running down his face. The vice remaining tight but no longer crushing, ever so slowly releasing, leaving him in the torturous wait of when to open his eyes without being assaulted by the bright light warming his skin.  
He relaxed the hands in his hair, bringing his arms to cover his eyes in defence from the sun.  
“Steven are you alright?”  
He groans trying to find a response. He felt a gentle hand run through his hair.  
“Is it alright for me to pick you up? We can just head home.”  
“That sounds amazing Garnet.” He sounded exhausted.  
He felt the hands move around him and removed his arms to hold around Garnet and buried his head in her chest to hide from the light escaping through, he could hear deep laughing from the action.  
“I don’t think I’ve held you like this since you were little.”  
“Heh, I know. I only had a growth spurt, what, 2 years ago? I wasn’t little long ago.”  
“I know, let me be nostalgic.”  
They all laughed together. Eventually, the situation had calmed down enough he just rested against Garnet while she carried him. She wasn't the only one, ever since the Diamonds came to earth he got to spend less and less time with them. He was yearning for the times before all this mess where they were able to cave to his young antics. Back then he was so naive to what the big picture really was. He was naive to everything and it tore him up inside to think about how the gems had to not only deal with this pressure but also keeping him as happy as possible, keeping the danger away from him. A burden for them to protect because of 'another' stupid mistake his mother made.  
“So are you alright?” She asked.  
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be.”  
“Steven, you know what I mean. We weren’t able to fuse.”  
He heard Pearl gasp beside them.  
“I…I’m not sure what happened, it just felt like something didn’t connect.”  
“We’ll need to check you when you get home Steven, fusion wasn’t… the only problem.” Pearl softened at the end of her sentence.  
“What was wrong?” He had an idea, but he wanted to keep this as far away from the gems as possible, if possible.  
“Your eyes, Steven-”  
'Dammit'  
“They’ve gone…well, I don’t mean to alarm you but their…pink.”  
He sighed his eyes drooping as he neglected to look at anyone, the solid sound of footsteps against the grass increasing the tension within the group.  
“I already knew about them.”  
“Wait what?!” Amethyst yelled next to him, great he had upset her too, he could feel himself curling up a little in defence from her. “Dude! Why didn’t you say anything?”  
“I only just found out yesterday, it’s not like I even saw you guys!” A pout audible in his voice, god even he could hear it. He was acting like a child again. Losing control of his emotions? What was he 8? He knew he needed better control over this but sometimes it was so hard to stay under control, to stop his emotions from slipping past the fragile barrier he had put up to keep them in place.  
"S-sorry, I guess it just...freaked me out too."  
“I suppose that's a good reason for you not telling us. Well as long as you’re okay, man…” Despite being childish, Amethyst was very protective over Steven. He was one of the only gems, before the Famethyst, that she felt like could understand what it was like to feel like a burden to others. She always tried her hardest to make sure that Steven never felt like he was one to any of them, and did what she could to never dump her problems on Steven and help him when others did. 'How would she feel if she knew all that effort went to waste?' He was tormented by the thought.  
“Is you head feeling alright now?” Garnet asked.  
“Yeah, it feels better than before. Does it ever hurt for you guys when you can’t fuse, like back when Pearl and Amethyst tried to fuse into Opal for the heaven beetle?”  
“No, for gems the only time we really feel pain is when our bodies are damaged, or our gems are cracked.”  
“Maybe it’s just a 'me' thing.”  
“Aww, come one dude. This is legit only the first time you’ve gotten unstable during fusion. Believe me when I tried to fuse with Pearl it happened all the time, no one’s perfect.”  
Pearl cut in, “still just to be safe we should check your gem when we get home, you may be half-human, but we don’t know what would happen if you cracked your gem, maybe it’s the reason why.”  
“No!...no it’s fine, I’m not hurt anymore and… it’s just been a bit of an off day for me, if it happens again I promise that I’ll come to you guys but really, I’m fine.”  
“hmm…alright, but if you start glitching out or writhing in pain again, then there is no excuse.”  
“Deal.”  
There was a comfortable silence between the gems and Steven but his thoughts were yelling at him with all the ways this could have gone wrong, how he could have hurt them.  
This couldn't happen again. He couldn't lose control again. They were already dealing with so much.  
Not after he just got it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Optional Skit:
> 
> They had been walking along the boardwalk when Amethyst spoke up.  
“So are we just gonna ignore the fact we left the Dondai back at lil’ Homeworld.”  
Everyone collectively groaned.  
“I have to go back there tomorrow I’ll pick it up then.” It was the easiest solution, he thought to himself. At least he wouldn’t have to bother anyone else.


	5. Similar but not the Same

It was easy to get over to Little Homeworld to pick up his car but, Steven was pulled aside by Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot to help with introducing the Famethyst to Earth.  
“Amethyst was meant to be here an hour ago, are you sure she isn’t just waiting at the zoo?” he questioned.  
“Positive,” Peridot confirmed, “we’ve called them multiple times and she hasn’t shown up. If you’re not too busy I think that we can get 2 birds with one stone and also free those Rose Quartz’ you saw.”  
He had wanted to spend the rest of the day getting through a bit more of the maths, Connie had given him, but it looks like he would have to push that off…again.  
“Yep, we might as well do it while we’re there.”  
While Bismuth, Peridot and Lapis warped over to his house, he explained that he couldn’t leave the car here again so he would take a bit longer. He arrived back at his house in 20 minutes to find them relaxing in excited chitter about the new gems coming to join and finally meeting other Rose Quartz’. Steven was excited as well, the only Rose Quartz he knew was his mother and even then, she was actually a diamond. Who knew what they would be like, what weapons they would have and…what would they think of him? Well either way he knew they would have to be released and that was going to be the hardest and easiest thing to deal with. The easiest because they aren’t corrupted, he doesn’t have to deal with not only poofing corrupted gems, but poofing corrupted gems which he knew his mother had hurt. The only thing he had to deal with, was also the hardest thing he had to deal with, hundreds of Rose Quartz’. Who had been poofed by and because of his mother. Who are now being released. All at once. In an enclosed and isolated area. With him being right in front of them.  
Oh boy…  
He brushed off their questions about his nervous jittering as just being excited to see the Famethyst again. They all went up to the Galaxy Warp and only a few seconds later they were in the main throne room in front of the diamonds.  
“Steven!” They all chimed out. “What brings you back to Homeworld?” White quiered.  
“Well, Amethyst is busy at the moment so were bringing the Famethyst to visit Earth and, to hit two birds with one stone, we’re also releasing the Rose Quartz’”  
“Oh that’s wonderful! They we’re always such sweet and caring gems, so much like your mother.” Blue reminisced.  
Yellow hummed to herself. “Yes, the Rose Quartz’ we’re made almost entirely of your mother’s essence, with a very small amount of the rest of ours mixed in. They we’re surprising caring gems despite such.”  
“Riiiiight,” he heard Lapis drawl out. “Can we go meet them then?”  
“Of course, we’ll take you over in your ship.” Yellow sneered at Lapis before calming down once blue glanced over in warning. They we’re all lead to the pink legs which was easily piloted to the Human Zoo. Despite having been there after he and Greg we’re kidnapped the place still gave him shivers. Despite the bright pinks, the place seemed so cold and empty, the warmth seeming to dissipate whenever they left. They landed just outside the base, the diamonds leaving in a pod to go through the enlarged entrance for them, whilst Steven, Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot went through the main entrance meeting the Amethyst guards at the gate, each one running up to hug them and call out to the others.  
“So, where’s Amethyst? Wasn’t she meant to be here?” They looked around confused, an innocent smile on their faces that just added more weight to Steven’s shoulders.  
“She couldn’t make it, she’s probably busy with something else.” The drop of the smiles off their faces just made it worse.  
“But,” he tried to pick up the mood “we are releasing the Rose Quartz’ tody as well if you want to help.” The rest of the Famethyst walking through the arch as he made the announcement.  
“Really?” The all chimed out, each now talking over each other in lapping voices similar to those which haunted them at night, but they we’re happy and the chatter was already warming up the chilled room. Walking through the crowd he went to go meet the Diamonds in Pink’s old room. Many of the bubbles being brought down already white reaching for the ones right at the top of the ceiling, the floor covered now in hundreds of pink bubbles containing identical gemstones. The Famethyst quickly being blocked by Peridot and Bismuth from just jumping in as Lapis flew over top of him to help bring the last ones down.  
“Okaaayyy,” Bismuth address the crowd of over-excited gems, “we do not want to go ‘ham’ on the situation,” that drew a few confused faces at the expression, “these gems have been in bubbles for thousands of years and may not be the happiest when we release them if we smother them. So what we are going to do is…” Steven walked futher into the room to grab one of the bubbles to help demonstrate to the Famethyst. Walking back he released the bubble from around the gem, catching it as it fell and gently placing it on the floor as it started to glow, rising in the air as a light body formed around it, the gems being placed on her arm. Locks of pink hair blew out of her head as she landed on the ground. Quickly standing up to salute at the one who had freed her, begs and pleads on her tongue. Steven was quickly able to sooth the gem.  
“It’s alright you’re not in trouble.” He could see that Bismuth had gathered the Famethyst in a tight circle probably explaining to them what to say when they are released. “You don’t have to believe me now, but I just need to explain a few things. Pink diamond wasn’t shattered. In an attempt to free her colony, she recruited a Rose Quartz to assist in helping her fake her death. Pink Diamond then escaped to Earth to live out the rest of her life on that planet. She later met and had a child with a human on Earth, me.” The Rose Quartz just continued to look at him bewildered but at least not attacking him. “After this discovery the Diamonds control was disbanded and we’re here to release you and the rest of your kind to either stay here with the humans or travel the universe or, really, whatever you want.” Her face seemed to light up at that.  
“So, I get to do whatever I want?”  
“Within reason, genocide is unfortunately not allowed, along with colonisation, we’re trying instead to preserve as much organic life, left in the universe, as possible.”  
“Oh.” He face dropped but she wasn’t mad. “So you’re a Rose Quartz?”  
“No, no. My mom was Pink Diamond, I’m a hybrid of gem and human.”  
“Ohhhhh okay!” She smiled at him. “Well I can’t imagine how someone like Pink could create such a cutie like you!”  
That was unexpected. “W-what?”  
“You! You’re absolutely adorable, so small and squishy!” She picked him up in his arms.  
“O-oh, um, thank you? Wait, so you aren’t mad?”  
She placed him down kneeling in front of him.  
“Well I was confused at first but really who could be mad when humans like you are so cute.”  
She giggled a light and bright sound towards him. “I used to work here, before the poofing.” I know some of us weren’t happy to be here, but humans we’re always so cute and naive, it’s a wonder how they survived on Earth!”  
He smiled up at the Rose Quartz in front of him. Despite his mother being a Pink Diamond any stories he was told about her after the war about her, he always imagined her like this, curious, fascinated even towards life and how it survived on the planet, even as a Diamond he imagined she was like that. He was able to get her to help the rest of them to remove the bubbles around the gems. The diamonds left after they had gotten an emergency call about a possible outbreak of violence on one of the freed colonies, there had been a lot of those lately. By the end of the day he seemed to be the celebrity in the room, Rose’s around him marvelling at him being a hybrid or being from earth and not the zoo, how different he was from the current humans or other gems they knew.  
Eventually he started to get a bit sick of the attention, whilst they were very sweet and loving towards him they could also be quite patronising towards him and treat him like a little child that was beneath them, despite explaining to quite a few of them that he was the son of Pink Diamond. A few of them didn’t seem to be that interested in him, most of the reason being that they were either warrior Rose’s or they didn’t really like the organic life in the zoo, happily accepting his invitation of leaving to go see other colonies. He left with the Famethyst offering to stay behind for a while to teach the Rose’s how to run the new place. 

He was glad that he wouldn’t have to stay there to teach them, he was sure the only thing that would happen was he would be smothered like the Diamonds seemed to always do when he visited. When he finally got to warp home, he found Amethyst pacing back and forth in the living room. As soon as she noticed him standing on the warp pad she ran over and began apologising about forgetting to come with them to help bring the Famethyst down to Earth. He comforted her saying it was alright and they released the Rose Quartz’ today instead, her groaning at the missed opportunity to meet more gems from Earth, both of them laughing at his new gaggle of mothers.  
“I’m going to go wash off, we can start off dinner after that.”  
Pearl and Garnet we’re still out on a mission, they left earlier that morning, so Steven had agreed to teach Amethyst how to cook something edible for both of them, with engine oil.  
He pulled his Jacket and shirt off looking in the mirror when he noticed a dark purple mark on his chest. He pushed down on it and it didn’t badly hurt but there was still a slightly dull pain. He shrugged it off as a bruise form his fight with Jasper and Pietersite the yesterday.  
Odd but not uncommon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm really sorry for the late update. It turns out jet lag is one hell of a bitch and I got dragged around a bit by my family for Christmas. I'll be going back to the usual Wednesday updates after this. Hope you enjoyed this chapter though!


	6. Just Rosey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An early morning call to the Zoo.

It had started off as a normal day but quickly deteriorated from there. He wasn’t in pain but the bruise on his chest had grown, and the roots of his hair were becoming a lighter pink again. He pulled out the other box of hair dye under the sink and made the few adjustments to his normal morning shower. Walking back out to the mirror he was glad to see that his hair was back to its normal black shade, what he wasn’t glad to see is that the bruise along his chest wasn’t the only one, under his nail he had the same dark purple mark and he had another slightly large one on his leg as well, thankfully they were all easily hidden, the last thing he needed was anyone worrying over him. 

It had been almost 2 weeks since the Rose Quartz’ were introduced back into the zoo and he was expected up in the observatory in a couple of hours for a report from the famethyst. Just another thing to add to the list. It was a big problem though; he could handle it. It was an easy walk up to the observatory, when he opened the door he was greeted by the familiar scent of fresh dirt and flowers. It was Connie’s idea originally to bring a plant to the observatory, he just developed it from there. Now there were plants growing up the walls and few smaller potted ones scattered along the side, even a pot of cat grass next to lion’s bed. He walked over to the monitor bringing up the reports that were sent daily from planets all over the galaxy. They were all old planets which hadn’t yet been fully taken over by the diamonds and could still be salvageable for organic life, he was glad to see that a majority of them were opening well to the idea of not being under the diamonds rule. A couple of them needed help to get out of their normal destructive habits  
“A couple of Lapis’, some quartz and a small colony.” He sighed to himself, “All on different planets but they shouldn’t be too much to handle, maybe Lapis could help me with the first few,” he mumbled to himself. 

He was brought out of his stupor when the screen lit up, someone was trying to communicate to him through the diamond line. He cringed at the fact he was probably going to be subject to the Diamonds rants, raves and cooing but was pleasantly surprised to see a variety of Quartz pop up on the screen with the familiar pattern of the zoo wall behind them.   
“Amethyst, Jasper, Carnelian! It’s good to see you all!”  
“Not just us!” A pink head of hair popped in from the side.  
“Hi! I just came to listen and watch! I’m going to be taking over communications, but these are way more advanced than anything I knew of before.”  
“That’s alright- Actually you may be able to help us,” the rose quartz seemed to glow at the suggestion, “I am actually calling to see how you are all settling after everything that happened, with the whole bubbling incident.”  
Amethyst, Jasper and Carnelian seemed all too happy to allow both of them to converse and just sit back and relax.   
“Oh! Well a lot of the Rose’s who are staying here really enjoying working with the humans and quartz to get a closer relationship with them…a few of the Rose’s aren’t happy with how long it is taking for ships to take them to other colonies aaanndd afewoftheoldfightersaren’thappywiththenewpoliciesyouputinplace.”  
Steven scratched the back of his head, he knew this might be an issue with transportation but the way they acted when they unbubbled them, none of them seemed violent enough to cause more than a little rioting. His mother was Pink Diamond not Rose Quartz so all of her powerful powers were because she was a Diamond.  
“That’s alright, I didn’t expect you all to love it, they’ll understand the benefit of it once they reach the old colonies and see how the diminishment of the authority has opened up gems to find their true calling.”  
He heard Amethyst laugh and mutter under her breath, “Wow, you weren’t kidding Jasp, he really does sound like a Diamond.”  
“No!” the remark caught him off guard and he yelled out before he could stop himself, he mentally scolded himself for losing control when he saw the faces on the screen look at him in shock at the outburst.  
“I mean- I just don’t want to be seen as another ‘dictator’ for you all, more just a guiding hand towards something better. Then you can all be left to your devices.”  
“Sooooooo, a temporary leader?”  
He knew that she meant no harm, but he really didn’t want to be seen as any leader to them.  
“No just…like a- do you guys have people you talk to about problems?”  
“No, we didn’t really have the authority to talk about any problems that weren’t with machinery.”  
“Right, right. Well here of earth we have people called guidance counsellors, we go to them if we are ever lost in life or felt that we didn’t have a purpose in life. You guys had purposes given to you under the authority but some of you may fell lost without them so that’s what I- that’s what the old colonies are for, we have some gems there helping others to find a purpose outside the authority if they can’t find their own, I just step in sometimes in case things get out of control.”  
“Oh, so like if I or one of the Rose Quartz’ was leader, allowing others to do what they need but stepping in to help sometimes.”  
“Yes! Like that! Not like the Diamonds.”  
He saw the Rose Quartz pop her head into the screen again.  
“But wait aren’t you Pink Diamond.”  
“No. I’m Steven, I have her gem, but I am not Pink Diamond.”  
His voice was hard as he explained, he could tell he was losing control of his emotions again, he needed to end this quickly before he ended yelling out in frustration.  
“Anyways I’ve got to go. I’ll figure out the ships for the other Quartz’ and send them over. Bye!”  
He hung up before any of them respond to his sudden departure, he turned around after the screen flickered off, sliding down the smooth side of the console, legs sliding out in front of him and face held in his hands.   
How was he losing control so easily, it’s like everything was suddenly on a short fuse and he would explode any moment. He could still feel the anger bubbling the surface of his skin, the mixed-up voices in his head pushing against his head in the skull-splitting headache he felt after he fell out of the fusion with Garnet. He took deep breaths trying to alleviate the pain his head and the buzzing surrounding his body. He could slowly feel the pain pass as he pushed down the anger, he felt replacing the scowl on his face with relaxed neutrality. 

Finally looking up from where he was holding his head he saw that he summoned a cage of geometrical shield around him, he could hear Pearl calling out for him from outside of the shields and quickly dissipated them as he saw her silhouette pass by the windows of the observatory. He greeted her with a smile, she explained that he was going to be needed at Onion’s with her soon to watch the never ageing boy. He went after her out of the observatory.  
Later that day he felt as if he had forgotten something but Amethyst quickly caught his attention, she explained her day at Little Homeworld helping to fix the damages caused by Jasper and her Gremlin. Steven eventually got to chat to her about the once again failed attempted at fusing, this time with Pearl and Amethyst assured him that this was simply something temporary and he would be better in no time.  
Did it really matter that he forgot to call in new ships for the Zoo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry that this one is a bit late as well, I don't really have an excuse I hadn't really planned my time well and so this is the result. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter anyway and hopefully next time I update it will be on time.


	7. A Depressing Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late nights and self-deprecation make logical thinking difficult, add on the responcibility of running a new galaxy and the doubts you have about being yourself and it's nearly impossible.

It had been a hard week after that, despite the one-shot he had summoning the more geometric shields they seemed to only stay put when he was extremely emotional, who would have guessed it. Besides that, the gems noticed the dark marks now spread up to his wrist and just about demanded to check to make sure his gem wasn’t cracked. He knew they were worried about him but why? He was sure this wasn’t something major maybe it was just his body going through a few changes due to him flipping his gem  
“Like, a sort of metamorphism,” he argued with himself, “no, they would never believe that. Come on Steven think, apart from spilling your innermost thoughts and feelings to your family how can you explain this?” He could feel himself stressing over it, he didn’t want to change it back, not when he had already started going through whatever this was, it had to be good right? For once in his life, he had to have done something right. Plus, he didn’t want to have to go through that pain again.  
So, this is where he now found himself, in the middle of the strawberry fields contemplating whether or not the pain was really worth it.  
“Okay I can do this, they see the gem, they ask why I did it and I explain to them how thei- my decision to join in on the missions was a bad idea, how I wasn’t ready for it when I was hat young and how they were right not to include me. Then explain about how stressed you felt when Pearl was talking about how much she misses Rose, because she wanted me, a-and how I felt h-helpless when Amethyst’s gem g-got cracked b-because she was p-playing wi-with me on the c-cliff and I felt l-like i-it was my f-fault and h-how I th-though you g-guys felt the s-same after I-I c-couldn’t heal he-her, and when g-garnet…g-garnet…”  
He felt wet tears fall down his face as he tried to get past the memories hiccups and breaks in his voice stopping him from continuing, a sob breaking out of him as graphic memories filled his mind, already full of the voices now yelling and screaming at him. He tried to pull himself together he really did, but how could he when it felt like all of these problems were caused by him, his mother would have been able to heal Amethyst because she had control over her powers and he didn’t, not even now, not even when Garnet and Pearl needed to fuse with him. He felt like a dark hole was opening in his chest and all that seemed to follow from it was the unending guilt that has been building in him for years, the expectations that the gems put on him, to control his powers, to know what to do now and with the Diamonds seemingly thrusting him the responsibility of running the entire empire- maybe the Amethysts were right maybe he was just becoming the new leader, maybe he was just like Pink Diamond, a self-centred, immature dictator.  
“Of course, everything I said, all of it, was because of me, Garnet wouldn’t have been split by Jasper if I hadn’t intervened, Amethyst would have been fixed immediately if I had better control over my powers like my mom, I mean, Pearl wouldn’t have even been so broken about EVERYTHING if I hadn’t been born and my mom had been the one to stay, everything would have been better if I w-wasn’t born. Dad and M-mom would be together, Pearl would be happy to have Rose, and Garnet and Amethyst would be happy to. I can never be enough for them, maybe that is what this is. I turned my gem because I wanted things to be different because I wanted to be happy. God how fucking selfish of me, I just wanted to be FUCKING HAPPY, but I guess I can’t even do that without making everyone else upset or hurt.” He could feel the frustration and hopelessness leaking out of him leaving behind just an empty husk. “Why did I ever think that something good for me would be good for others, why did I ever think I could keep this up. Be something better than her, better than I was, better than I will ever be.” He looked down at the ground it felt like he had been drained of everything, he couldn’t even feel any anger or sadness it was just an all-consuming emptiness.  
“Might as well get it over with, maybe this will help the pain I cause them.”  
It wasn’t any easier than the first time, in fact it may have been worse, the pain was all over his body and it felt like parts of it were exploding out of his skull, he lay there for only a few minutes but it felt like hours as he writhed into the empty night. Finally rising he could feel a wet dripping down his face. He was able to walk back to the warp pad mostly uncompromised; he still had the headache from flipping his gem again and it made it difficult to balance on his own legs. The warp back was easy, at least he was still able to do something right. He ended going to the bathroom as a last check for the night to make sure nothing drastic had changed.

He was wrong, oh so wrong.   
Well He didn’t look as different fundamentally, the dark marks were still there, in fact, they may have shrunk a bit and his eyes still held the pink iris and diamond pupils, he wasn’t able to tell if his hair had changed at all though, it was still in effect from the dye, oh well only time would tell for that. He was wrong about the crying, kind of, he had been crying obviously if the tear tracks and red eyes weren’t enough, but his eyes weren’t the only red thing now. Distinct lines of blood ran down his face they seemed to be on either side coming from his hair.  
“Headaches aren’t meant to make you bleed…right?...yeees…maybe? Ohh, I don’t know, just check.”  
He pulled out his phone after arguing with himself, no they didn’t cause it, maybe he had pulled out part of his hair, he better check to see the damage then, it would be bad if the gems saw a distinct spot of hair missing. He pulled it apart bit by bit checking to see where the trail led and the good news that he didn’t pull out his own hair to the point of bleed was vastly outweighed by the bad news that instead, horns had grown through his scalp. He could feel himself panicking, sharp breaths that seemed to cut through his lungs with how quickly they came, yet they never seemed to stay long enough for his lungs to get any oxygen. He could feel his hands grip tighter to the hair beside them as he slid down the front of the sink onto his knees. This was insane, he was going insane. There was no way this was happening to him, he couldn’t be, he was half-human, this was just part of the change a cruel joke done by himself because he cared only about himself that he was actually going to turn into a pink diamond. Just a mocking of all the person he could be. They were small, no bigger than an inch maybe 2, they were easily disguised by his thick curls, it was easy to hide this from them. They didn’t need him to cause any more problems so he wouldn’t, this is something he could do, he could prove to them that he could deal with this, he could prove to himself that he was a self-centred, arrogant person like his mom, he would be better, and making them happy was the first, best thing.

“Okay, Steven you can put your shirt down now. I can’t find anything.” Pearl explained they had been at this for the better part of an hour, the gems trying out all different theories as to why he was changing.  
“I’m telling you guys, this is probably some sort of gem puberty or something, I grew super-fast in the last couple of years it makes sense that it would happen around the same time to.”  
“Um, Steven, hate to break it to you but gems don’t go through puberty. We made as pure adults to the minute we pop outta the ground.”  
“Yes, but remember he’s half-human, Amethyst we don’t know what growing up will be like for him, maybe he’s right, your gem’s…fine in physical condition, no cracks or signs of corruption, not even rejuvenation or regeneration may explain this.”  
“Alright, Pearl, Amethyst I think we should stop poking and prodding for the day and just relax.” Thank god Garnet said something, Steven felt on edge trying to remain positive whilst every part of his body screamed to tell them something, just a hint that something was wrong.  
He could already hear disapproving voices  
‘Steven, how could you do this’  
‘This is ridiculous you actually thought this would make things better’  
‘You really think you deserve to be treated like an adult when you can’t even handle being one’  
‘Stop acting like such a child for once’  
“Yo, earth to Steven! You okay bud?”  
Steven looked up startled, Garnet had wandered off and Pearl was busy putting away the various devices, leaving Amethyst alone with Steven.  
“Yeah, I’m all good, just a bit tired.” He forced a smile on his face to be reassuring.  
“Pssh, no kidding dude, I heard you last night at like 4am, what were you even doing warpin’ around at such a late hour, don’t you guys need like, 8 or 9 hours of sleep a night?”  
“You heard last night, huh?” He could feel panic rise in him, how much had she heard?  
“Eh, not really just you warping back and goofing in the bathroom, took forever I was about to slam on the door to make sure you hadn’t passed out in the tub. Then you left and I went back to the old late-night mac and cheese.”  
“Where even were you?”  
“Shapeshifted to fit in the cupboard.” Oh thank god, she didn’t see.  
“Yeah, I was just out for a wander, you guys always drag me inside if I try to go along the beach, and I thought a change of scenery would be good.”  
“Well, did it help?” She looked genuinely like she cared but he knew the true meaning behind it, she wanted to know if this was going to happen again, where would she need to go check not, why did he bring it up, why does he keep worrying them, why can’t he keep them happy.  
“Yeah, I had a great sleep last night.” In reality, he had passed out on his bed, the pain from the horns growing in and the emptiness after his emotional outburst had exhausted him to the point where nightmares couldn’t even reach past the thick layer of exhaustion that laid over him that night.  
“Cool, you wanna go take another walk there?” She’s trying to find you out, you can’t let her know.  
“Nah, maybe later,” He looked around for an excuse to leave spying the clock on the wall, “besides it’s nearly two, I kinda want to get some lunch,” Thank god he skipped breakfast because his stomach seemed to yell with glee at the prospect of food, “want to join me for pizza instead?”  
“Eh, sounds good.” She dropped the subject and Steven dropped the rigidness from his shoulders, finally relaxing when it had passed.  
You got lucky Universe, don’t expect it to happen again. It’s your fault she questioned anyway.  
He could feel the smile slip for a moment as they walked along the dock. Amethyst didn’t seem to notice when he allowed her to talk more than him, besides she had way more interesting stuff to talk about.


End file.
